My story is not a special one but it is mine. I was born and raised in the Midwest by the "normal" family. My parents loved each other and raised me and my older brother in a house with pets, love, and plenty of hugs as well as discipline.
The only thing that surprises people about my childhood is the amount of times I have moved. By the time I was 20 I had moved an average of every 2 years. I was always the new girl in school and the best way I found for dealing with this was to be whatever got me friends the fastest. I was a professional chameleon. If my new friends wanted to go to football games, I went to football games. If my new friends were into drama class and theater, I went along for the ride. I became of professional fitter-inner. No matter who I was with and what we were doing I could fit in.
This skill served me very well for all my school years and then I graduated and discovered I had no idea who I was, what my interests were and what I wanted to do. I had spent so much time letting other people's interests be mine that I had none of my own. I had no sports, hobbies or interests. This created a great hole where my self esteem should be. I didn't know myself, what if the people in my life didn't like who I turned out to be when I discovered who I was?? So, I did the only thing I could and continued to pretend. I did this for anther 10+ years after high school until I looked around and had been left behind.
My friends were married, had careers, and owned new cars. I was still living in an apartment with my mom attempting to finish college part time while working at a retail store part time. My friends were going on fabulous vacations and experiencing exciting firsts such as buying their first houses. I had yet to move away from home.
Then my family that had been pretty much perfect was struck by the worst news we could get. My dad had a congenital stroke disorder called CADASIL and he would continue to have larger and larger strokes until he was robbed of all physical and mental control.
My dad was the smartest man I have ever met. Even to this day. He had a genius level IQ and he was soon unable to tell me how much a penny was worth.
Simultaneously, my mother's vertebrae began to shatter one at a time. In the end she would break 7 vertebra. She could not take care of herself let alone care for my father. So I did. I took time of work and took both of them to doctor appointments, made food, went grocery shopping, and cleaned up messes when they happened. It was not the life I had pictured I would be living at 25. Fast forward 6 years and my father has passed away and I have graduated college after ten years.
What now?
That was 8 years ago and while much has changed ( I have moved out on my own, yay!). Much is still the same. I am almost 39, unmarried and eating my feelings daily. I have gained even more weight and have reached a point where my health is in danger. I am pre diabetic, have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Not a good thing for anyone let alone someone with a history of strokes in the family. I am 5' 4" tall and weigh over 300 lbs.
I made a huge decision this year that I would go in for gastric surgery and had started a good way down that path until I got bad news today. After 5 visits with various team members in the bariatric program their office calls to inform me that something was messed up in the business office end and I cannot have surgery as my insurance does not cover it. I was and still am devastated. It was such a huge decision to make and now suddenly I am not able to do what I need to do to improve my health. I cried all the way home. I felt lost and strangely ashamed. Almost as if it was decided that I didn't deserve the surgery.
Then I got mad. Who are they to tell me what I can and cannot do. So, after verifying with my insurance company that I am not able to get the surgery covered. I have decided to set out on a health finding mission on my own. I have all of the tools I need and now have the motivation and need to do this by myself and for myself.
Today marks day 1. I will lay my journey out here for anyone who wants to read about it, but mostly to hold myself accountable.
Stay Tuned for day 2...
Goals for today-
Stay positive
Get plenty of sleep
drink water
walk for 15 minutes
make healthy food choices
eat 3 meals
have a fruit or vegetable with each meal
Day 1 achievement unlocked!
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